Archive for the 'Law' Category
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Divorce Lawyers DO have a sense of humorOctober 19, 2008 | posted by John
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Two Lawyers…May 28, 2008 | posted by John
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Two lawyers had been stranded on a desert island for several months. The only thing on the island was a tall coconut tree that provided them their only food. Each day one of the lawyers would climb to the top to see if he could spot a rescue boat coming.
One day the lawyer yelled down from the tree, “WOW, I just can’t believe my eyes. There is a woman out there floating in our direction.”
The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, “You’re hallucinating; you’ve finally lost your mind.”
But within a few minutes, up to the beach floated a stunning red head, face up, totally naked, unconscious, without even so much as a ring or earrings on her person.
The two lawyers went down to the water, dragged her up on the beach and discovered, yes, she was alive, warm and breathing.
One said to the other, “You know, we’ve been on this God forsaken island for months now without a woman. It’s been such a long, long time….So … do you think we should .. well … you know … screw her?”
“Out of WHAT?!?” asked the other.
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3 things of interestMay 27, 2008 | posted by John
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I find these things interesting…
COWS - Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the
mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada
almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of
Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are
unable to locate 11-million aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we
should give each of them a cow.
THE CONSTITUTION - They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for
Iraq. Why don’t we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really
smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we’re not using it
anymore.
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS - The real reason that we can’t have the Ten
Commandments posted in a courthouse is this:
You cannot post “Thou Shalt Not Steal”, “Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery”,
and “Thou Shall Not Lie”, in a building full of lawyers, judges and
politicians…..It creates a hostile work environment.
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Living WillMay 27, 2008 | posted by John
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Last night my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, “I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent upon some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens just pull the plug.”
She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out my beer.
She’s such a bitch…
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LONDON LAWYER Vs GLASGOW COPMay 27, 2008 | posted by John
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A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow cop.
He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better
education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!!
Glasgow cop says, ‘ Can I see your licence please?’
London Lawyer says, ‘What for?’
Glasgow cop says, ‘Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign.’
London Lawyer says, ‘I slowed down, and no one was coming.’
Glasgow cop says, ‘Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Can I see your licence please?’
London Lawyer says, ‘What’s the difference?’
Glasgow cop says, ‘The difference is, ye havte to come to complete stop, that’s the law, Can I see your licence please?’
London Lawyer says, ‘If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my licence and
registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.’
Glasgow cop says, ‘Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.’
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.
The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the crap out of the lawyer and says
‘Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?’
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