Pretty Oblivion

A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious.  On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar, but less serious state.

The Marine was conscious and alert and, as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.  The Marine reported, ‘I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

‘I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable low-life scumbag who got what he deserved’, and he yelled back that ‘Ted Kennedy is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing liberal drunk who doesn’t know how to drive.’ So I said that ‘Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!’  He retaliated by yelling, ‘Oh yeah? Well, so does Hillary Clinton!’

So there we were in the middle of the road shaking hands when the truck hit us…

A group of Marine Officers are standing around talking when a Lieutenant said, “I feel that making love is 80% fun and 20% work.”

Captain responded by saying, “No, I think that making love is more work than that. I would say that it is 60% fun and 40% work.”

Then a Major says, “No, making love is definitely way more work than that. I would say that it is 20% fun and 80% work.”

They are all contemplating these revelations when a Gunnery Sergeant walks by. The officers call over to the Gunny to ask his opinion.

The Major says, “Excuse me, Gunny, we are having a discussion and would like your input. The Lieutenant says that making love is 80% fun and 20% work. The Captain says that making love is 60% fun and 40% work. I say that making love is 20% fun and 80% work. So, what is your opinion?”

The Gunny smiles and says, “Gentlemen, you are all wrong. Making love must be 100% fun because if there was any work involved, you would have the enlisted men doing it for you.”

Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a Marine are all working together one day. They come across a lantern ….

And a Genie pops out of it. ‘I will give each of you one wish, which is
three wishes in total’, says the Genie. The Canadian says, “I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada.”

POOF! With the blink of the Genie’s eye, the land in Canada was forever
fertile for farming.

Osama was amazed, so he said, ‘I want a wall around Afghanistan, Palestine, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come in our precious land.’

POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie’s eye, there was a huge wall
around those countries.

The Marine says, ‘I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.’

The Genie explains, ‘Well, it’s about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and
completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out; it’s
virtually impenetrable.’

The Marine sits down, cracks a beer, smiles, and says, ‘Fill it with water.’

A Marine and a sailor were sitting in a bar one day arguing over which was
the superior service.

After a swig of beer the Marine says, “Well, we had the flag-raising at Iwo Jima.”

Arching his eyebrows, the sailor replies, “We had the Battle of Midway.”

“Not entirely true”, responded the Marine. “Some of those pilots were Marines, in fact, Henderson Field on Guadalcanal was named after a Marine pilot killed at the Battle of Midway.”

The sailor responds, “Point taken.”

The Marine then says, “We Marines were born at Tun Tavern!”

The sailor, nodding agreement, says, “But we had John Paul Jones.”

The argument continued until the sailor comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, “The Navy invented sex!”

The Marine replies, “I have to give you that one, that is true. But it was the Marines who introduced it to women.”