Pretty Oblivion

The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil!….You don’t even have to be Catholic to appreciate this one.

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School .. Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. ‘Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?’

When Mary Margaret didn’t stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

‘God Almighty!’ shouted Mary Margaret.
The Nun said, ‘Very good’ and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, ‘Who is our Lord and Savior?’

But Mary didn’t stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.

‘Jesus Christ!!!’ shouted
Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said,’Very good,’ and Ma ry Margaret fell ba ck asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question…’What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?’

Again, Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, ‘If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!’

The nun fainted.

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, ‘Good morning Alex.’
‘Good morning Pastor,’ he replied, still focused on the plaque. ‘Pastor, what is this? ‘
The pastor said, ‘Well son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.’ Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex’s voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked-

‘Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:30?’

A couple was going out for the evening.

They’d gotten ready, all dolled up but just needed to put the dog out when the taxi arrives.

However as the couple walked out of the house, the dog shoots back in the house.

They don’t want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver: ‘He’s just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother’.

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.

‘Sorry I took so long’ he says. ‘Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with the coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the back yard! She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!’

The silence in the cab was deafening.